Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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