I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
