Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
