im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
