I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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