i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
