my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
that's an acceptable place to lick
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
