I need help removing her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
