dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
