At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
