My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
