brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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