Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
