I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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