Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
