good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
