Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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