I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
