these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
