Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
