he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
