the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize