Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize