Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
