i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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