but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize