think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
