i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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