i think i have two assholes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
