She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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