areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
