If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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