Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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