Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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