if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
