If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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