My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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