we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They have beer where we have blood.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
