PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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