We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
