I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
