she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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