but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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