chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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