Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
