i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
