Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
