the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
