I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
