Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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