I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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