I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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