If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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