I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Operation Purity has been aborted
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
