So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
