dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
