I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
