The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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