my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
