remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
