I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
