speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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