I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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